I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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