i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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