just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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