You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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