i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
