you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
