definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
