woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
