Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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