I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
