I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
