connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
