end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
