I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
