And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i drank out of a bidet.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
