and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
