Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
