We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
