I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
