why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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