I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
