I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
