Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
