He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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