Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
