Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
