So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
