3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
