I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
