Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
