Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
