I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
