...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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