put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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