I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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