Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
