I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just found puke in my bra..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
