yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
