You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't deserve a penis
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
