Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
