I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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