Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
