That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
they're like a gay fantastic four
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
