So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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