well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
