FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
did you just send me my own nude
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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