I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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