Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
