bring money and cleavage
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
