really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
