Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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