Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
