Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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