I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
