You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
