I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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