i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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