Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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