Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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