All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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