I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You dont lie about slip and slides
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
