I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
