Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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