Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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