Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
