I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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