so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
