dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
