Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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