Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
