i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
