You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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