Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
