He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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