on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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