on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
