anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
