I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
