I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So. Much. Porn.
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