I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
