i barfeds in our rink
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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